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Fear - More than the boogeyman

5/26/2018

A reader asked for more about fear. Fear plays some part in every extreme emotion you have. Fear fuels the Saboteur, the Victim and the Prostitute archetypes (and others). These archetypes are three of four survival archetypes. The fourth survival archetype is the Child and, while the Child is not necessarily fueled by fear at the outset, fear informs the teachings, limitations, and prejudices they are raised with. In other words, much of the programing that comes from our tribe in our early years is based in fear. Certainly it grows up with us and, often, grows in us. Feelings of Rejection, insecurity, submissiveness, haughtiness, worthlessness, and indecisiveness are good indicators of strong fear responses. These emotional states are fear masquerading as something else.

We do come by fear honestly. Long before we had to be concerned for our cholesterol, we had to fear for our lives; where will the next meal come from? Will I be some predator’s next meal? Long ago our lives were less secure and far more dangerous which caused basic level, instinctual programing. All of us carry this programing, even though. For the most part, we do not have those kinds of dangers anymore.

It is very difficult to turn off primal responses; our reaction to danger from the past has turned into (over)reactions today. Fear’s language sounds like this:
Rejection - I am always left out. I never get asked to participate in fun times.
Insecurity - I’m not good enough to be included. If only I could be prettier.
Submissiveness - Anything you want. I don’t deserve to have a say. Just don’t hurt me.
Haughtiness - If people find out what I’m really like, I will be humiliated.
Worthlessness - I never get it right, I always mess everything up. I’m not good for anything.

This is the language of “I can’t” and in one way or another; it expresses a basic fear of failing. Now consider people who seem to feel like the world owes them; they are entitled by station, aggressiveness, or whatever it might be. They seem confident in their outward appearance and yet, fear is a very prominent theme in their lives as well. They fear that they will be called out, possibly humiliated. They fear loss of their perceived position in society. Somehow they know they are out of balance and are afraid they can’t continue to measure up.

To be absorbed by fear in any manner is to give your personal power away to the more dominant personality, to the approval of society, and so on. At this level you are a re-actor. As long as you are ruled by these fears, you will be unable to act with self-contained and self-regulated integrity. The faces of fear are projections of that which you fear; projections created by your fear of choosing. The fear behind weakness, insecurity, haughtiness, and all the rest strips away the container (boundaries, another of The Five Words) where your integrity should be and you are left trembling, ready to be eaten alive.

Fear makes sense for a caveman or someone in a war zone, but for us in day to day life, fear stops us from finding and expressing the truth about out divine nature. The primary impulse of creation is love. Fear is what blocks love. Fear itself cannot be blocked; resisting it just makes it bigger, and so you must choose.

Everything comes down to choice which is the first of The Five Words covered in my book. Every infinitesimal moment of consciousness is imbued with the steering wheel of choice. The boat that is your life sinks, flounders, or floats on the ocean of emotion depending on choice. How you choose to respond to your emotions dictates your experience with them and your experience with life.

What are your fears? How do your fears stop you? Are you afraid of succeeding? Do you feel like, no matter what, you will fail? Do you have hope? Can you act on it?

We can certainly talk more about fear. What are your questions or concerns? Fear is huge. So many of us are afraid and don’t understand there is a way through. Please like and Share on Facebook if you feel this discussion is important. For more immediate help with fear and the other extreme emotions, please contact me or get my book here.

Love always,
Katherine

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To be or Not to be

5/19/2018

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We have done a lot of talking about the Victim archetype. It got me thinking about what makes a victim. Not all people who have been traumatized become subject to the negative side of Victim energies; yet we all have a Victim archetype. The question is, on which side of the spectrum does your personal experience with the Victim show up?

In concentration camps, in areas with young people committing suicide due to public judgement, in black or Hispanic populations, and in so many other places, prejudice was/is a common daily pressure. In some cases historically, spiritual mindset and attitudes made all the difference for those being victimized. For example, certain people in concentration camps came through their experiences as leading lights for others to follow. While many died from abuse and despair and many were just plain murdered during the holocaust; some prisoners recognized their true worth as separate from their circumstance and not only survived, but brought hope and faith to those beside them. Nelson Mandela is another example. After years of incarceration in South Africa he said, “As I walked toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” He made a choice to walk away from the role of victim. This takes character.

The experience of prejudice can be very grim, very painful. How experiences are internalized determines what creates despair or light. This brings us back to character. Character needs to be built as a wholly contained, self-aware reality which includes self-worth, unshakeable awareness of an innate divine right to be, and appreciation for personal gifts and destiny. It doesn’t change the fact that there are those with less understanding and awareness of the divine in all beings. It just means you will be challenged and not falter. That you may be victimized but you will not become a victim. It means that you have a basis for faith; a reason for being that is not defined by the interrelated set of beliefs, attitudes, and values held by some of the community.

On the other hand, if you buy into the mythos of the prejudiced around you and argue for your self-worth based on their judgements, your struggle with Victim energies will be destructive. You ask the wrong set of questions: Why me? What is wrong with me? How can you say these things about me? How can you be so mean? These are all questions of a victim. These are all questions that give your power to another. They are questions inspired out of fear. (Fear is the first extreme emotion covered in my book.) Questions such as these say, I have given you power and control over me. They cause reactions; push back or despair. I would like to offer a third option: Empower yourself!

The second of The Five Words, Empowerment, is the key. Empowerment creates freedom to be, to express, to triumph over external experience while honoring the life and experience around you. There are many ways to lose power; there are many ways to give it away. Empower yourself. Being truly empowered frees you from the need to react. You are not a victim unless you choose to give weight to the judgments of others. Also, be careful of your own self-judgement. It is possible to victimize yourself with your internal dialog.

To find where you are challenged, look at where you react and where you overreact. Where in your life do you feel like a victim? Where and when do you victimize others? Where do you lose power? You can learn more about these important emotions and responses and what to do about them in my book. Please feel free to like and share with your friends on Facebook. Additionally, feel free to question and comment as these enrich the discussions.

Love always,
Katherine

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Perspective on the Victim

5/12/2018

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Archetypes are subtle energies that are woven into our lives and are the teaching formula we use for life lessons. Recently we have been talking about the Victim archetype. This archetype is part of everyone’s energy anatomy. Often it is in play with two other archetypes, Perpetrator and Rescuer. Karpman[1] defines the interaction of these three archetypes as the Victim Triangle. His conclusion is that if you enter the victim triangle at any point, you will eventually play all three roles. This is a circular dynamic. All three of these archetypes are very common in our world. Let me point out that while we all have the Victim as part of our energy system, we don’t all participate in the victim triangle.

That being said, the world community is reactive for the most part. We react according to the ingrained beliefs of our respective tribes. These beliefs are considered inviolable. They describe our view of how the world should be (our prejudice). Some people react out of fear, anger, worry, shock, and/or grief and feel they must defend their beliefs when they are challenged.

There are many groups that inspire prejudice; people of color, fat people, immigrants, and the LGBTQ community, among others. Because of the recent news about the increase in suicides among young people in the LGBTQ community, I want to discuss them specifically. Just ask, are they deviants or are they one of our greatest blessings? What is their perspective? How difficult it must be to withstand harsh, sometimes vicious and violent responses from loved ones, church members, the rest of the tribe, and even from their own conflicted selves! People who react strongly against the LGBTQ community maintain those living that lifestyle are just wrong, evil even. They are called abhorrent, against divine law. Here I must ask, does God really love anyone of us more than another? My God is not that small. Remember, all of creation was accomplished out of an impulse of pure love.

For most of the LGBTQ community, the choice was made before they were born. They are the embodiment of Katye Anna Clark’s, “I will be that which you have asked me to be so that you can be what you need to be.” Since we do not remember our pre-life sacred contracts, our choices on earth become difficult and are often not aligned with love. Here is a situation where a whole sub set of our community has agreed to a very difficult journey in this life. Make no mistake; on a soul level they have taken this path out of a great love and dedication to our collective spiritual journey. Our response to our prejudice determines if we are perpetrators who judge, punish, and revile, or if we follow the path of love, acceptance, and grace.

Those people who are reactive to the LGBTQ lifestyle feel their standard of decent behavior is violated. A foundational belief is challenged. They feel a responsibility to bring the LGBTQ person back into the fold and when the attempt is resisted, they feel rejected, punished, anxious, and, yes, even victimized. This is a tribal response. The reactive part of the LGBTQ community feels rejected and judged. They feel torn between what the tribe has told them is right and acceptable and their natural orientation. They struggle for understanding and acceptance and feel like victims when this is denied. Of course, they push back or despair. Despair is what caused the increased rate of suicide reported recently. Bottom line, each group feels victimized. Each group feels it necessary to justify, rescue, or push back. Too often, the opportunity to practice loving compassion and acceptance is lost to fear, anxiety, and rejection of the misunderstood other. The emotions causing these conflicts are all of the extreme emotions I talk about in my book: fear, grief, worry, shock, and anger. Remember, all of these emotions are part of creation in order to inspire us, to teach us, and to lead us back to Divine love.

So, I want to say thank you to the LGBTQ community, and to all others like it, for taking on such a difficult journey. You do not need justification for your existence. You do not need society’s blessing. You are gifts to our world. You are among the highest of teachers. You challenge our perceptions. We challenge your right to be different. As a consequence, we both have an opportunity to learn to be accepting and respectful while still being who and what we are. As a world community, our journey through judgement and prejudice is difficult, to say the least, but if groups such as LGBTQ can be born as a spring board toward divine compassion and love, we can all strive to step out of the victim triangle.

My wish is that these words will give hope to the despairing and conflicted young out there. You are loved by the Highest Source. Your lives matter.

Please, like and share this if you are so guided. Don't forget to contact me with questions and comments as these direct our discussions.

Love always,
Katherine

[1] Karpman, S. (1968). Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 7(26), 39-43.

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Does the victim define you?

5/5/2018

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Previously we learned that love is not an extreme emotion. Over the course of time we have manipulated the energy of creation (which is love). The energies that compromise creation are, in fact, created by us through our thoughts, actions, choices, and the energy patterns that we brought in for this life. These energies are archetypal patterns of behavior which Carolyn Myss has done a masterful job of explaining in her book Sacred Contracts. It is important to understand that everyone has four survival archetypes: victim, child, saboteur, and prostitute. Yes, everyone expresses these energies in some way. Because these energies are so intimately connected to how we create our world, we will discuss them individually over the next several posts.

Let’s start by talking about the victim energy. It is all around us. In fact, everyone manifests victim energy in some manner, at some point in life. Clearly, there are many victims being created every day by shootings, robberies, abuse, or war. Many times, becoming a victim is a quieter, less obvious process. These people may be called victims of circumstance. In the news recently was a story about the increase in suicides among the LGBTQ community. These children were born to challenge the limitations of thought and expression of love in their tribe. (A tribe is made up of family, friends, churches, teachers, and so on.) When the tribe reacts with fear and judgement, these young people feel guilt and fear. They become victims of the beliefs and attitudes of their tribe. Destruction of lives ensues.

One woman, whom we will call Eva, has had a hard life. She has above average intelligence and is well educated, but she has always felt excluded from important relationships including at home as a child. From these experiences, she has created isolation and fear. Additionally she has always had severe visual challenges. All of this has made her timid and it has created a poor me attitude. To anyone who will listen she will list her woes, her financial troubles, and her loneliness. There are things she could do that would ameliorate these difficulties, and yet, she has been unable to act on her own behalf. Well meaning, good hearted people have allowed her to live off of their largess. (This is the rescuer archetype and a whole other topic!) Even though this help comes from an altruistic intent, it does not empower her to stand up and fix what is wrong in her life. As is seen all over the world, giving a hand out is very different than giving a hand up.

In this case, victimization is not from an obvious external cause but is more from circumstance. Eva’s victimization is complicated by attitudes that reinforce it (poor me) and her choice to dis-empower herself (complaining and accepting charity) rather than stepping up and making changes. This story describes when being a victim pays off. Sometimes your wounds are your defining story. These wounds become your identity; define how you see yourself, and how you value yourself. You tend to defend your right to your wounds with all your energy. You use the power of your wounds to solicit sympathy, payback, and validation thus capitalizing on your misfortune.

Whatever the cause, how you step through victimization will determine how this archetypal energy will affect your life. Truth be told, you are meant to rise above your victimization. You are meant to learn from, grow, heal and assimilate your difficulties and your blessings. Your challenges, large and small, are meant to teach something. This something is only presented as part of the plan you had for yourself before you were born. Granted, the reason you would ever agree to these plans can be mysterious. Simply put, you agree in order to balance something, to learn something, or to teach something. There really is a plan.

Where do you see the victim in yourself? What does the victim fuel in you: revenge, defeat, shame? What response does it create in you? Are you playing it for all it is worth, or are you working every day to learn from, grow, heal and assimilate the lessons so you can move beyond it?

As always, I welcome questions. Questions will help frame our discussions. I invite you to like and share this post with your friends.

Love always,
Katherine

More on these topics can be read in my book, The Five Words, walking the healing path through extreme emotions to fulfillment.

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Fear - More than the boogeyman

To be or Not to be

Perspective on the Victim

Does the victim define you?

Katherine

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